


ensemble dans l'inconnu

by eliottamoureux



Series: tumblr drabbles/prompt fills [16]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: (as per usual), M/M, but more than anything it's them being So Fucking In Love, canon divergant, it's like mildly angsty, post-ep 8 manic episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 02:30:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21190091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliottamoureux/pseuds/eliottamoureux
Summary: “Don’t cry,”“Please don’t do this,”“Just breathe, okay?”“Do you hate me?”,“I don’t wanna be alone right now,”“I can’t breathe,” &“Please don’t be mad at me.”





	ensemble dans l'inconnu

**Author's Note:**

> a challenging prompt fill for a lovely anon, featuring _seven_ prompts, instead of the customary one or two! this one took me a while, and i'm honestly not sure how i feel about— but in any case i hope you enjoy!
> 
> [here's the original fill, on my tumblr!](https://eliottamoureux.tumblr.com/post/186921270757/hey-girly-i-have-a-bit-of-a-challenge-cause-i)

It had seemed like a good idea, at the time.

He’s found that there aren’t any bad ideas when he’s manic— not in the moment, at least. So when he’s talking and talking and _talking_ and he can’t stop, and he needs to get away, he did. It’s for the best, he didn’t want to annoy Lucas with his talking— they were having such a good time, everything was _great_, and he didn’t want to ruin it.

They were on a boat, anyway. A little dip never hurt anyone, right?

There are no bad ideas when he’s manic, and there are no second thoughts. His clothes were off and he was on the railing in a moment. He told himself that he would come back to Lucas soon, that he just needed some time to himself.

He leans over the railing, looking at the inky blackness of the sea at night.

Lets himself fall.

It’s really not too far of a drop. He’s gone cliff jumping from higher than this, this is child’s play, this is _nothing_.

But then he hits the water, and he realizes that he made a mistake.

The fact that it’s March hits him full force when he plunges into the water. The cold water shocks him enough for him to realize that this was, in fact, a bad idea. This was a really bad idea, because now he’s naked in the ocean in _March_ and he’s losing the feeling in his legs and he doesn’t know which way is up.

He swims, and swims, and swims, and _thank god_ he breaches the surface of the water, gasps for air, the air doesn’t come, his lungs aren’t taking in enough air and the dock looks so far away and he needs to move, he needs to move _right now_ because he’s gasping for air and his arms have lost feeling too. It’s so hard to move but he has to.

For Lucas.

Because this is the first real date that they’ve had, and it can’t be the last, it just can’t. Because he’s starting to understand that he may have just ruined it, and he needs to fix it.

There are black spots in his vision by the time he heaves his body up onto the dock, his entire body shaking. He looks around for someone that might be able to help him but there’s no one there. And so he pleads, with anyone he may not have seen, with the universe, for help, for anything. His lungs won’t take in enough air, he can barely breathe let alone speak, so he says, silently, to the night sky,

_please help me._

_i can’t breathe, and it is so dark,_

_please help me please please—_

And then everything goes black.

—

When he comes to, he’s in a hospital room. He tries to lift his head up, to look around, but his body feels so, _so_ heavy. The white walls are grating, everything is far too bright.

He manages to turn his head, and sees his parents to the side of the bed. Their eyes meet his and they both leap out of their seats, taking both of his hands.

“Oh, Eliott,” His mother sighs, and he wants to cry at her expression, at both of their faces smiling down at him, as if he had been sleeping forever.

As if they thought this would be the time where he wouldn’t wake up.

“Mom? Dad?” He says it more than he asks it. His head falls back down onto the pillow. “How long have I been out?”

“About an hour,” his father says, and Eliott’s eyes widen. “You got hypothermia from the water, but the doctors told us that you would be alright.” His dad reaches over to cup his cheek gently, and he melts into it. 

“Please don’t be mad at me.” He says, because he can’t bear the thought of his parents being upset with him, he really just needs love and tenderness right now.

“Oh, honey, we’re just glad to see you awake.” His mother’s voice is soft, her smile gentle and genuine. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

He thinks for a moment, about whether he wants to comfort his parents or whether he wants to be completely honest. For one, he opts for the latter. “I’m tired, and everything kind of aches, but I think I’ll be alright.” He’s felt worse, admittedly. His parents nod, still smiling down at him. “And I don’t think I need anything, but can I see someone?”

“I’m not sure, I’ll ask about visitors.” His father is out of the room in a moment, and his mother comes in close.

“Who do you want to see, sweetheart?” Eliott hesitates for a moment, unsure of how to tell her that he wants to see the boy he’s in love with. It’s not a matter of coming out— he did that years ago— it’s a matter of him not knowing if the boy he loves feels the same about him anymore.

So instead, he says—

“You remember that boy I was telling you about, the other day?” Because it’s safe, and because it’s ambiguous.

“Lucas?” She asks, and something in Eliott melts when he realizes that she’s remembered Lucas’ name.

“Yeah, we were out together before… all of this happened.” _Before I ruined everything_, he almost says. “I want to talk to him, and apologize, and see if we’re alright.” His mother takes his hand, and it’s almost as if the world slows, as if he calms down immediately— if only a bit— when she rubs soothing circles along the back of his hand.

“I’m sure you will be. He sounds very caring, from what you’ve told me.”

“He is, but after what I did… I don’t know if he’ll forgive me.”

“I’m sure he will, love. And if not, then he’s not someone you need in your life.” And as hard as it is to even_ think_ such a thing, his mother is right. Before he can think too much about it, though, his dad is back in the room.

“They said you can have visitors starting at nine.” Eliott looks at the clock on the wall, thinks of how far away nine o’clock feels.

“We’ll go pick him up in the morning, alright?” His father leans in and presses a kiss to his forehead. “For now, get some more rest.” He’s not sure how long his parents stay— whether it’s for the entire night or just until he falls asleep— but when he thinks of bridging the gap between himself and Lucas, between this moment and the distant morning, he falls asleep quickly.

—

Lucas tried— and failed— to fall asleep all night.

Everything keeps playing through his head on an endless loop whenever he closes his eyes, and his brain is racing with what he did, what he didn’t do, what he should’ve done.

He wonders where Eliott is.

He wonders if Eliott’s safe.

He wonders if he’ll ever get to see Eliott again.

_It’s my fault_, he keeps thinking, _I did something, and it made everything go to shit, and it’s all my fault._

The sun had come up a couple of hours ago, but he had barely noticed. He’s been staring at the ceiling for what is probably far too long, but he lost track of time ages ago. None of his roommates have woken up yet, and so he stays where he is, laying on the couch, completely alone and utterly confused.

And then his phone rings.

It’s an unknown number, and Lucas heavily contemplates declining the call and turning his phone off, but something tells him to answer, and so he does.

“Hello?” Lucas’ voice is raspy with fatigue, and it sounds foreign to him.

“Hello, Lucas?” The voice on the other end asks.

“Yes?”

“Hi, Lucas, this is Hélène. I’m Eliott’s mother.” Lucas’ eyes widen. _She’s not calling with good news_, his brain insists. He’s injured, or in a coma, or suffering from amnesia, or—

“How is he?” He asks, halting that train of thought as best as he can.

“He’s doing alright.” Lucas lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. “But that’s not why I’m calling. He wants to see you, if that’s something you’re comfortable with.”

Lucas is dumbfounded.

Not only because Eliott is safe and alright— but because Eliott is safe and alright and _wants to see him._

“What, like, now?”

“Yes— or, as soon as possible. Are you busy today?” 

Even if he was, he would drop everything.

“No, I’m not busy.”

“Perfect. Would it be okay if we picked you up? It would be faster than the bus.”

Now Lucas is panicking for an entirely different reason. Now he’s panicking because he’s never met Eliott’s family before— which is nerve wracking enough as it is— but he also didn’t sleep at all last night, his body and his brain alike are heavy with fatigue. He wants so badly for them to like him, he wants more time to prepare.

But he needs to see Eliott, and he can’t think of a justifiable excuse to decline her offer.

“That would be great, if you don’t mind.”

—

A short while later, Lucas receives a text from the same number— which he has now changed from _unknown number_ to _Hélène Demaury_— that she’s here. In the next moment, he’s downstairs; in the next, in the car with her.

“Hello Lucas,” She says, and he can see Eliott in her smile, in the slope of her shoulders. “I wish we were meeting under more pleasant circumstances.”

“Me too— still, though, it’s nice to finally meet you.” 

“Likewise! I’ve heard so much about you.” Lucas blushes a bit at that, at the thought of Eliott telling the people he loves about him.

“Good things?” He asks.

“Good things,” Hélène affirms, her smile deepening, her eyes softening. “Eliott’s never spoken about anyone, the way he speaks about you.”

—

Lucas is at the hospital quickly, and he freezes when he and Hélène come to the receptionist’s desk. It hits him, now that he’s here, that Eliott isn’t well. That he’ll be alright, but that something happened, last night. Something that he can’t quite describe.

The receptionist waves them along, recognizing Hélène, and they walk down the hall together. Eliott’s father, Martin, meets them out in the hall. Lucas has a similar introduction with him, and then their conversation lulls.

“Go on,” Martin says, “We’ll be out here if you need anything. But I’m sure he wants to be alone with you, right now.”

Lucas takes a deep breath, steadies his nerves, and steps inside the room.

And his legs feel as if they’re about to buckle when he sees Eliott.

It’s not that he looks weak, or ill— not even the fact that he’s in a hospital bed— it’s the fact that he’s alive, and that he’s looking right at Lucas. Silence hangs between them, thick and suffocating, and Lucas doesn’t know what to say.

The moment Eliott opens his arms, Lucas is in them. They hold each other in a vice grip, in an _I’m so glad you’re okay and I’m so glad that we’re going to be okay_ sort of hug.

“Do you hate me?” Eliott asks, and his voice is so quiet that Lucas isn’t sure he was meant to hear him.

But he does.

“Oh, Eliott,” Lucas says, pulling away. “Please don’t do this.” He knows the feeling, the sort or thoughts that Eliott must be having right now— and he wants to banish every single one of those thoughts. “I could never hate you.” And, because he can’t resist, he presses a quick, gentle kiss to Eliott’s forehead.

“Never?” Eliott brightens, hopeful, and it makes a hairline fracture somewhere deep in Lucas’ heart.

“Never. No matter what you do. I’m just—” Lucas’ voice cracks, and he knows this sort of moment— the moment before tears come “I’m just so glad that you’re okay.” Normally, though, his tears are from anger, or from frustration— but these are from relief. And so he lets them fall, lets them flood over his eyelashes and roll down his cheeks.

“Lucas, don’t cry.” Eliott says, but he’s smiling, and his eyes are misty as well. 

“I’m sorry, I just—”

“Hey, I mean don’t cry, because then I’ll start crying, too.” And so there they sit, crying and breathing and smiling together, for the first time in what feels like forever— but in reality is only a matter of hours.

And then Eliott breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, and for hurting you. I’m—” Eliott’s voice wavers, and he has to take a deep breath to steady himself. “I’m sick, Lucas. I have bipolar disorder.” Eliott says, and Lucas knows immediately with the way that Eliott’s whole body tenses that it’s something he’s been holding in for a long time. He wants to apologize, for even making Eliott feel like this was something he should keep from him for this long— or at all, really. Lucas pulls away to look at him, tries to show Eliott as much affection as he can muster, before pulling him into a hug again.

“Thank you for telling me,” He says against the crook of Eliott’s neck, and then, pulling away— “It doesn’t change anything, okay? It doesn’t change the way that I feel. You’re still you, right?” Eliott nods, and there’s a small smile on his face, but Lucas can still feel the way his body is shaking, though he’s not sure what with. “Hey, just breathe, okay? I’m here.” He cups Eliott’s cheek, and Eliott softens into it, and his heart swells. Everything in him softens when he realizes that they’re okay, both apart and together. Lucas will be alright, and Eliott will be alright— and _Lucas and Eliott_ will be alright, too. 

He voices it, “We’re alright, we’ll be alright,” So Eliott will know it too.

There they stay, for who knows how long, curled up together in a hospital bed that is_ far_ too small for the two of them.

And there’s nowhere Lucas would rather be.

—

They lay there together for a while. Lucas may fall asleep for a bit— all he knows is that he’s awake to hear Eliott let out a sigh. It sounds relieved, and Lucas softens even more, though he didn’t even think that possible.

And then, barely there—

“I love you.”

It’s quiet, just as Eliott was before— so much so that Lucas isn’t even sure he was supposed to hear it.

But then, Eliott pulls away, looking him in the eyes, saying, once again—

“I love you.”

It cuts through the silence, it melts Lucas’ heart.

And so he says, just as sure, pressing his face right up against Eliott’s heart to hide his blush,

“I love you too.”

—

They’ve been curled up together for what must be hours now when Lucas remembers that Eliott’s parents are still waiting out in the hall. He carefully untangles his limbs from Eliott’s, and he smiles when Eliott reaches for him in his sleep.

“Lucas?” Eliott calls drearily, and his eyes are open when Lucas turns back.

“I’m just going to grab your parents. They’ve been waiting in the hall all day.”

“Noo,” Eliott whines, reaching out for him. Lucas is sure he’s never seen anything so alluring in his entire life. “I don’t wanna be alone right now.”

“You’re not alone.” He scoffs, but the smile on his face is wholly genuine. “They’re right outside. Give me fifteen seconds.”

“Okay, fifteen seconds.” Eliott agrees, and then— “One, two, three…” 

Lucas laughs as he leaves the room, and he can hear faint laughter from Eliott as well. Eliott’s parents are sat together out in the hall, and they smile over at him when they see him.

“Hey.”

“Everything alright?” Martin asks, and Lucas nods.

“Yeah, absolutely,” “You’ve both been waiting in the hall for a while, and he seems to be doing well. If you want to come in and talk, now would be a good time. I’ve had him to myself for long enough.” Lucas says— though that’s a bit of a lie, he doesn’t think he’ll ever have Eliott to himself for long enough.

“Oh, alright. Thank you for letting us know.” Hélène says. Lucas stays back as they get up to enter the room, but then they gesture for him to follow, and so he does. Before they do, though, Martin stops him, just before the doorway. “Lucas? Thank you for taking care of him.”

_I’ll take care of him forever, if he’ll have me_, Lucas wants to say— but instead, he goes with “Of course.”

—

After a couple of days, a psychological evaluation, and much insistence from his psychiatrist, Eliott is discharged. The world outside the hospital is much brighter than he remembers, much louder, and it nearly scares him.

But then, from beside him, Lucas takes his hand, gives it a little squeeze. The world gets a little quieter, a little more manageable somehow. Lucas’ smile makes him brave.

When they step back out into the world, they do it hand in hand.


End file.
